An Idiotic Genius
by JillianWatson1058
Summary: Hatake Kakashi was never known for caring about his personal wellbeing, but he's taken it too far this time. Throw in some stubborn students, an overenthusiastic rival, a sarcastic pug, and some crushing regrets, and he's gotten himself into a bit of a fix. A bit of a sick!fic, Kakashi-centric, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

"What are you doing?"

Kakashi's white-haired head turned to face his visitor. "Standing, as people usually do when both of their legs are under them."

"Very funny, sensei," Naruto walked up until he was standing next to Kakashi and looking at all the names on the stone, rubbing his hands together. "I mean, why are you here _today?_ It's freezing out here!"

"I always come here. And I _have _a scarf." He continued to stand, slouched with his hands in his pockets.

"Well, I was gonna go grab some ramen, if you wanna come. Sakura's on duty at the hospital today, and Sai's… you know… He's Sai."

"You just want me to pay, don't you?"

The blond grinned cheekily. "Maybe. But the point's the same, right?"

"Thanks for the offer, Naruto, but I think I'll pass for now."

"Y-you'll pass? On _ramen?_ How can anybody pass on _ramen?"_

"Not everyone lives and breathes ramen. And, as I said, I'm fine here."

The young shinobi's face clouded over. "Ok, fine! _I'll_ pay!"

Chuckling, Kakashi shook his head. "That's quite a generous offer, but no thanks. Maybe some other time."

They stood in silence for a minute, as Naruto entertained the possibility that Kakashi had finally gone insane. Turning down a free meal?

They stood, staring at the stone.

Then they kept standing.

Finally, he asked, "Are… are you okay, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm always okay, Naruto."

"No one's always okay."

His sensei didn't reply to that, instead choosing to stare at the memorial stone. Naruto gave one last, fleeting thought to his bowl of steaming ramen, and then turned it down in favor of staying with his sensei.

Several silent minutes ticked by, and the ramen-obsessed shinobi gradually felt his toes become numb. "How long are you going to stay out here?"

"I don't know. A while. Couple hours, maybe."

"Well, don't. That's stupid. You've already been out here for what? An hour?"

"Three."

"Three _hours?_ How can you stand still that long? Anyway, the point is you can probably go home now, since you've already visited them for a bit."

"I said I'm fine here, Naruto."

"Can you even feel your fingers? I can't feel half of my _body_ right now, and I've only been out here a couple minutes."

The jounin said nothing.

"You can't feel your fingers and you're gonna stay out here for a couple more _hours?_ Man, and people say _I'm _stupid."

"Staying inside on a cold day does not determine your intelligence."

"That's only something that stupid and cold people always say."

Kakashi blinked a couple of times. "You've actually heard someone else say those exact words before?"

"Well… no. But you're still being stupid."

With a sigh, Kakashi said, "All right, Naruto, you win. I'll meet you in half an hour at Ichiraku for ramen. But you're paying."

"Half an hour? Why not right n-"

"Half. An hour."

"Okay, I'll see you then." The genin immediately turned and jogged back toward the town, calling over his shoulder, "You'd better be there, baka-sensei!"

"I will."

**Comments are more than welcome, as this is only my second attempt at something Naruto-related. Thanks for reading, and I hope, wherever you are, that your day is awesome.**

**~JillianWatson1058**


	2. Chapter 2

An hour and a half later, Naruto was seriously debating walking back out to the memorial stone and bodily dragging his sensei into the warm ramen shop. He could probably manage it if he utilized a whole bunch of shadow clones and some chakra-enhanced handcuffs. Then again, Kakashi-sensei wasn't an elite jounin for no reason…

Thankfully, Naruto was saved from making this potentially disastrous decision by the entrance of the copy nin himself. As the mess of unkempt white hair ducked under the doorway, Kakashi muffled several coughs with his elbow. Taking a seat next to the blond genin, he settled into his characteristic slouch.

"You're late!" Naruto folded his arms angrily.

"Yeah, I… was helping a lost kid find his way home."

"It took you an hour."

"He was quite far from home." He looked up at the man behind the counter. "One ramen, please. And this kid's paying."

"Yeah, 'cause _he's_ a cheap idiot," the blond replied, jerking a thumb at Kakashi.

"No, I just don't spend more than I have t-" He coughed into his sleeve again, then cleared his throat. "More than I have to. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Are you sick?"

"No. I'm fine. And we were talking about finances, not my personal wellbeing."

"But you were coughing!"

"That doesn't mean I'm sick. Is the ramen ready yet?"

"No, you just ordered it. Are you sick because you stayed out in the cold too long?"

No, that's not how it works, Naruto." Despite his best efforts to stifle them, the copy ninja gave several more harsh coughs, trying to ignore his student's glare. "How long does it take them to make ramen, anyway?"

"Exactly four minutes and forty-six seconds if you just ordered the plain stuff. But you _are_ sick! Don't try to lie to me, 'cause I can _always_ tell!"

Kakashi decided not to remind him of several occasions in the past, including but not limited to an incident with a girl, a chicken, two ANBU, and Icha Icha, when he had pulled one over on his boisterous student, seeing as Naruto still hadn't found out about most of them. "I'm not-"

"Were you coughing before you went out there?"

Yes. "No."

"Then you must be sick because you stayed out in the cold too long."

"Like I said, that just doesn't happen."

"But there's no other explanation!" he exclaimed over the sound of Kakashi hacking.

"How about," he croaked, then cleared his throat, "the explanation that I'm _not. Sick."_

"No, that's not it."

"Urrgh," he groaned, resting his head on his hands and closing his eye.

And, of course, someone chose that exact moment to burst into Ichiruka's Ramen. "My eternal and glorious rival!"

His eyes flew back open. Oh dear.

"But what are _you_," the green-clad man emphasized this word by whacking his rival forcefully on the back, "doing up and about? I thought I told you to rest, because we can't continue our youthful and manly contests when you, oh rival, are under the weather!"

"Gai, I was just-"

"Are you _healed?_ Of _course _you are! Why else would you risk going into the outside world? You are _well _again! That is _wonderful_ news!" Gai struck a heroic pose, manly tears streaming down his face. "My rival has made a hip and glorious recovery! In honor of this astounding-"

"He's not 'healed!'" Naruto interrupted.

The manly tears stopped abruptly. "What?"

"He's been coughing a bunch and insists that he's not sick. And he _lied_ to me, 'cause he said he wasn't coughing before he-"

"Did nothing!" Kakashi interrupted quickly. "Before I did nothing but stay in warm buildings like this one!" He silently begged Naruto to help him out. Instead, Naruto started grinning evilly.

"Before he stood out by the memorial stone for _four and a half hours_, Gai."

"He… he…" Gai looked aghast at Naruto. "But I _told _him to…"

"So he _was _coughing last night?" The genin crossed his arms.

"Yes! But he needs to rest his beautiful body so he can return to his healthy and youthful self!"

"See, I _told_ you I could tell when you were lying, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto turned his head to gloat, but found an empty chair where Kakashi should've been.

"He's _gone!_ His dedication and ingenuity are overwhelming, but so is his foolishness when it comes to his health!" Gai closed his eyes with great emotion, holding his right fist to his chest. "We must seek him out and nurse him back to health, oh Naruto! Perhaps we can enlist the help of Rock Lee for this incredibly important task!" Hearing no response, he opened his eyes. Naruto, too, had vanished.

The ramen, however, had _not _vanished.

He figured it would be wise to eat this untouched ramen, in order to rejuvenate his youthful energy in the search for his rival.

It would be a waste not to.


	3. Chapter 3

Sakura was just walking out the doors of the Konoha hospital when she saw a familiar shock of white hair run by. "Sensei?"

The lanky man whipped around, an unexpected look of fear on his face. "Has Gai come this way?" he panted, sounding slightly hoarse.

"No…" she looked at him askance. "Do I want to know why?"

"If you see him, tell him I…" he thought for a minute, "tell him I ran towards the entrance of the village," pant, "and I'm heading for the next town."

"And… where will you _actually _be?"

"Not telling!" He turned and ran down the road, muffling several coughs with his arm.

Sakura sighed. Well, _that _was odd. "Why can't I know a normal man? Just _one!"_

* * *

Kakashi finally stopped for breath, gasping and coughing. He bent over, hands on his knees. Perhaps this hadn't been the best idea, he realized, as he failed to draw more than one complete breath in a row. Would it really be so bad to go back to his apartment and lie down for a bit?

_Gai _would look for him in his apartment.

So yes, it _would_ be that bad. He shivered at the thought of it. Then he continued shivering. It was significantly colder than he remembered it out here. Where could he go? Well, his own and Gai's places were definitely out, as was Naruto's house. Well, Sasuke's entire village was empty, so he supposed he could try there.

* * *

Several minutes later, Gai-sensei did indeed run by Sakura on her way home. He rushed by in a blur of green jumpsuit, the ensuing gust of wind ruffling Sakura's pink hair. Then, realizing whom he had just passed, he whipped back around. "Sakura! You're one of Kakashi's students!"

"Ye-es…" she replied, wondering what exactly was going on.

"Have you seen him?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"My glorious and manly rival has fallen prey to a debilitating sickness and refuses treatment! I have made it my personal mission to find and nurse him back to health!"

So Kakashi was _sick,_ huh? Well, she supposed that explained the coughing. _And _why he was so afraid of Gai. She shivered, picturing Gai's idea of nursing someone back to health. "Haven't seen him; Sorry, Gai."

His face fell. "Oh, well," he rubbed the back of his neck, "If you see him, notify me immediately! This mission is of the utmost importance!"

She smiled fondly. "I will, don't worry."

"Thank you; I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!" With that, he sprinted down the road in the opposite direction Kakashi had taken.

However much Kakashi annoyed her most of the time, she _was _human, after all. She wouldn't send him or _anyone _to a fate as bad as _that_. However, someone _did_ have to take care of him. She pulled her coat more tightly around herself, thinking that her sensei was truly an idiot to be running around in this chill if he was sick. Maybe she'd have to find him herself…

* * *

It was silent and dark, the only sign of life being the crunch of his feet over the rocky streets. His shivering hadn't lessened, so he hurried to get inside one of the abandoned buildings. Now, which one was Sasuke's? There!

After pushing open the door, he felt a sharp pang of guilt. He tried to repress it, searching for a cupboard that might hold food that Sasuke had left behind before he… Kakashi blinked once, twice, and shook his head. He needed to _eat_ and not _think._ He squinted into one of the dark shelves, reaching for an abandoned container. Cup ramen. Naruto would be proud.

After pouring in some water and setting the – probably expired – ramen to boil on the stove, Kakashi sat in one of the creaky wooden chairs. He summoned some chakra and channeled it to light one of the small lanterns, and used that to light a fire in the fireplace. Sasuke's kitchen came into brighter focus.

He sat, coughing, waiting for the ramen to boil. A clock ticked from somewhere in the house. Tick. Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

It was getting progressively harder to keep his thoughts at bay.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

He gazed wildly around the room, hoping to find something that could distract him for a while. Then his eyes fell on a photograph. It was of a much younger Itachi holding an infant who must have been Sasuke. Suddenly, the copy ninja couldn't keep back his overwhelming memories of the Uchihas anymore.

Itachi came to his mind first. He had been his teammate, and he had gotten the chance to mentor the dark-haired genius. Out of all the black ops he had met in ANBU, Itachi had been the one he respected the most. The man had helped him conquer his own sharingan, even though the rest of the Uchiha clan hated Kakashi for possessing one of their famed eyes. He had shared so many fond memories, and so much heartache, with the man.

And then, Itachi had turned around and murdered all the Uchichas except for Sasuke. Sasuke, Kakashi's precious student. Sasuke, the one with more than enough potential and the drive to make it count for something.

Sasuke, who had gone rogue.

Was it his fault? He had often tried to convince himself that he had done everything he could, had clearly told Sasuke the futility of revenge and tried to emphasize teamwork.

But he hadn't done _enough._

Another pang of guilt shot through his core.

Sasuke was so much like him, he should've seen this coming.

Guilt.

He should've taken him in, like Minato had done when _he_ was a child.

Another shooting pain.

He should've watched him more closely, read the signs, predicted when Sasuke was planning to leave. But he had done _none_ of this!

The pain had gotten bad enough that it felt like someone had physically socked him in the stomach. He bent over, clutching his middle, realizing that he was coughing, and, for some strange reason, couldn't seem to stop.

This was a small problem.

Between harsh coughs that made it feel as if his lungs were trying to escape through his mouth, he vaguely realized that the ramen was boiling.

Cough. Gasp. Cough.

He liked eating ramen.

He also liked breathing.

Neither of which he was likely to do in the near future.

He noted bemusedly that the room was growing darker, and was, in a detached way, thankful. It meant the room wouldn't keep reminding him of Sasuke.

Sasuke…

It was… his fault… wasn't it?

In the back of his mind, he realized he couldn't hear the ticking anymore.

Then the lights went out completely.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sakura?" Naruto wrenched open his door to see his pink-haired friend standing on his steps. "What are you doing here?"

She pushed past him, striding into his messy living room. "We need to find Kakashi."

"I know; I've been trying to narrow down the places he would go, but none of them seem to be right."

As she looked at the floor, Sakura saw that Naruto wasn't lying. There was a map spread out on the wood, with dozens of red x's that had been drawn with marker on different places in town.

"Well, he's not at the hokage's place," Naruto went on, "and he didn't go back to Ichiraku. He's not staying with Captain Asuma or Kurenai, or even at Ino's flower shop, and he's not at the porn store or-"

"You went _in_ there?"

"N-no, I… looked through the window. _Anyway,_ he's not there or the memorial stone. I even checked the hospital for good measure, but baka-sensei wasn't smart enough to check himself in."

Well, her teammate had done a pretty thorough job, then. "What's left?"

"That's the _thing, _though," he lifted his hands in the air, "I just don't _know!"_

"Maybe we should just walk around and see what we can find?" Sakura suggested, rather disappointed that there wasn't an obvious option. Of _course_ their sensei had to be a genius. He'd never be somewhere obvious, especially since he was running from Maito Gai.

"Might as well. Man, why does our genius sensei have to be such an idiot?"

* * *

Kakashi awoke with a sneeze. His head hurt. And his throat hurt. And his stomach hurt.

He cracked open an eye to see a well-lit kitchen start swimming around him. After drawing in a shaky breath, it came into slightly better focus, but he was still pretty sure that the walls weren't supposed to be moving in waves.

Where _was_ h-

Ramen. He smelled ramen.

In an attempt to find the source of this heavenly smell, he lifted up his head. Then set it right back down as he started hacking. After several gasping breaths, he managed to stop the fit and get his mind slightly more in order. He realized that he was _freezing._

This was odd, as there was a crackling fire not three feet away from his prone figure.

Where was he again? Something about Sasuke, he thought…

Why was it so hard for him to _think?_ Probably the fact that he was distracted by the smell of ramen that he _couldn't get to._ It was infuriating. He tried to lift up his head for a second time, and, for a second time, gave up as the room started moving in ways that no room should and his brain felt like it was being twisted and squished inside his shrinking skull.

He idly wondered why ramen retrieval wasn't labeled as an S-class mission.

"Nnnghhh!" He groaned angrily, trying to stop his persistent shivering. He _would_ get that ramen, one way or another. Maybe he could throw a kunai at it? No, that would just make it spill, and he doubted that he could throw straight with the room moving so much. Could he use a jutsu to grab it? OH! He could summon Pakkun to get it _for_ him! The room would still be moving, but at least Pakkun would have the advantage of not having a splitting headache.

Fumbling around in his front pockets, Kakashi miraculously managed to find the right scroll, prick his thumb, and smack his hand on the wooden floor. He heard a _poof!_

"What are you doing on the floor, brat?"

"Nnnghh."

"Are you okay?" The pug padded towards his charge, nosing him in the side. "You smell sick, pup. What'd you do this time?"

Kakashi made an indistinct noise.

"Sorry, what?"

"I need you," his voice was slightly muffled, seeing as his masked face was pressed into the floor, "to get me… the ramen."

"The… ramen?"

"Mm. On the stove."

"How about I get you to a hospital first?"

Kakashi tried to shake his head, then gave up on that idea when it made his headache worse. "No," he managed, "I want ramen."

"You do realize I don't have hands, right?"

"Be careful," the ninja murmured, "the floor moves if you're not careful."

"The floor m- just how sick _are_ you?" Worriedly, the pug walked over to Kakashi's head, trying to lay a paw on his forehead. "Geez, kid, you're burning! Where are your students, anyway?"

"Saving me from… _him._"

"From who?" Pakkun was immediately on the alert. "Is someone trying to hurt you? Did someone do this to you?"

"Gai. He's… he keeps trying… to chase me and… do all sorts of awful things."

"You mean he's trying to help you get better."

"Have you gotten me the ramen yet?"

The dog rolled his eyes. "No hands, remember?"

"Oh." The ninja sounded extremely disappointed. "What about… maybe… can you just grab it with your mouth?"

Sighing, he replied, "Fine, I'll try for you." And, true to his word, he clambered up onto the counter and grabbed the cup of noodles, bringing it dutifully back to his sick master, with only minimal spillage, he might add. "What are you doing in the Uchiha estate, anyway, brat?"

"I'm in… where am I?"

"Oh, nevermind. Turn your head so you can eat some of this." He set the ramen on the floor, and Kakashi brought it to his mouth with a shaking hand, slurping up a mouthful.

"Thanks," he mmumbled, chewing happily.

"Don't mention it. Are you going to let me get you to a hospital now?"

"No."

"Why on earth? Are you completely _stupid,_ brat?"

"You don't… have hands."

Sure, _now_ he remembers. "I suppose you're right. It'd be a bit hard for me to carry you, huh? And I guess it's pretty cold out there, too. At least you've found yourself a nice warm place here, even if it's a bit creepy."

"Warm? I'm f-freezing. And I don't need a hospital. 'M _fine._"

"_Sure_ you are, Kashi."

"I want a blanket." He pushed himself up with an elbow, the room spinning around him and setting him coughing.

"Kashi, don't'-"

"Fine!" he croaked between coughs. "I'm fine!" And he _was_ fine. The room simply _wasn't_. Oh, and the lights were going out again. Lovely. Maybe it would be warmer next time he woke up.


	5. Chapter 5

"What's that?" Sakura and Naruto were trudging their way around the outskirts of the village.

"It looks like… but that's odd."

"Yeah, why would there be a light in the Uchiha part of town?"

"Should we…?" Sakura shifted nervously, worrying at a pink strand of hair.

"Yeah, let's check it out!"

* * *

The door was right in front of them, filling them with apprehension. It was Sasuke's door, which left them wondering if their friend had come back, or if some rogue ninja was just using this as a temporary hideout.

Neither seemed like a great option.

To their surprise, the door was unlocked and swung open without protest. Naruto stepped forward, motioning for Sakura to stay behind him. She didn't complain. In front of them was a hallway, half-lit by a fire they could hear but not see. Following the light, they found themselves at the doorway to a kitchen.

"Hey!" the blond exclaimed as something small and hard rammed into his stomach, knocking him to the ground.

"You're Kakashi's humans!" the small thing shouted in relief.

"Pakkun?" Sitting up, he got a better look at the pug taking up his lap. "Is Kakashi here?"

"Yeah, but the idiot's gone and passed out again."

Sakura pushed past them into the warm kitchen, nearly tripping over her sensei in the process. "Really, sensei?" She bent over, wincing when she felt his forehead. "What are his symptoms, Pakkun?"

Trotting back into the room, the pug sat by his master's head. "As far as I can tell, he just had a bad cold and refused to do anything for it. And, judging by the one eye I can see, he hasn't gotten any sleep in a couple of days, either. Now he's got a fever and is delirious. At least, he was when he was last talking to me."

"At least he had the good sense to summon you."

"Yeah…" Pakkun didn't see the need to tell them it was only because the copy ninja was craving ramen. He could at least save Kakashi the small shred of dignity he had left. Small being the operative word here, as he was passed out on the floor of his ex-student's kitchen. "Yeah, at least he did that."

"What should we do?" Naruto joined the pug on the floor.

"Well," Sakura bit her lip in thought, "we probably shouldn't move him back to his apartment. At this point, the best we can do is to try and keep him cool so his fever goes down. I'll see if I can help that along with some of the medical ninjutsu Tsunade-sama showed me."

The blond nodded enthusiastically, looking at her with a serious expression.

"So don't just _sit,_ baka! Go grab a cloth and get it wet!"

Saluting, Naruto raced to one of the cupboards. "Ok, I'm looking for a cloth. Cloth, cloth, cloth… Ooh, look! Cup ramen!"

"_Cloth_, Naruto!"

"Can I eat the ramen after I find the cloth?"

She sighed. "I don't really care, as long as you _grab me a cloth!"_

"Here!" He finally grabbed a washcloth, running under the tap. "Catch!" He tossed it to Sakura, who caught it easily. She set it on Kakashi's forehead, mentally going over the hand seals for an appropriate jutsu. "How long has it been since he passed out?"

"About two minutes," replied Pakkun.

Sakura's hand started glowing, surrounded by a sphere of chakra, and she gently placed it on the man's chest. "Now, this won't heal him completely, but it'll at least bring down the fever a bit."

"Anything's a help at this point. Hey, think we can move the kid to a bed or something?"

"Not a bad plan. Hey, Naruto!"

Naruto looked up from the cup of ramen he had just placed on the stove. "Hm?"

"Come and help me carry Kakashi-sensei to a bed, will you?"

"Sure!" He grabbed the man's shoulders as Sakura picked up his feet. After a bit of resituating their load, they managed to take several weaving steps toward the doorway. "Man," he panted, "for not eating anything, he sure is heavy!"

"Yeah, well," Sakura gasped, trying to get a better hold on her sensei's sandaled feet, "he_ should_ be significantly heavier."

"Is it bad that I'm kinda glad he's not?"

"If he weighed what he was supposed to, we might not _have_ to carry him like this!" She blew a piece of hair out of her eyes, realizing that they had inadvertently carried him to Sasuke's bedroom. Well, this was awkward. A subtle blush crept into her cheeks as she realized she had never been in his bedroom before. "Hey, would you mind opening the door, Pakkun?"

"No hands, remember?"

"Oh, just break it down, then! No one's going to care at this point!"

"If you say so."

The two kids closed their eyes as splinters of wood bounced off their exposed arms and legs. At least the door was open now. Sakura blushed fiercely as they lugged their ungainly load over to Sasuke's bed. The whole room was plain, with gray walls and a deep blue bedspread. The only decoration in the room was a large Uchiha crest on the far wall, and several kunai were scattered on a plain wooden desk.

They set Kakashi down on the bed with simultaneous sighs of relief.

"Now what?"

"We wait for him to wake up so we can get him some fluids."

"Right."

Sitting down by the bed, Naruto crossed his arms. Soon, Sakura joined him.

After several minutes of silence, the blond started tapping his fingers on the floor. "So… know any good games?"

"I spy?"

This worked for about three rounds, but became increasingly difficult, due to the sparse nature of Sasuke's decorating.

"Is it… a kunai?"

"Yeah, but which one?"

"The left one."

"…Yeah."

"I spy something… gray."

"Is it a kunai?"

"No."

"Is it the wall?"

"Maaybe. Which one?"

"The one right in front of us."

"…Yeah."

* * *

If there was one thing Maito Gai was known for, it was for his legendary persistence. He would train harder than anyone else, pushing himself to his limits. He would do countless pushups, countless laps, countless exercises, all so that he could be a master of taijutsu. None of these exercises, of course, were helping him find Kakashi any faster. But he refused to give up! He _would_ find his rival!

If only he knew where to look. He had sprinted around Konohagakure at least three times by now, and none of the (slightly scared) bystanders he had questioned had seen Kakashi. His rival had to be _somewhere_ in the village! A growing worry started gnawing in Gai's stomach. Wherever he was, he hoped Kakashi was ok. Surely his friend would have the good sense to-

Then again, Kakashi had just stood outside for four and a half hours when he _knew_ he was sick.

Gai looked around himself with renewed energy. He had to find him!

* * *

"Hnn…"

Sakura and Naruto leapt to their feet as Kakashi stirred. "Sensei? Are you awake?" Sakura asked eagerly.

Instead of replying, Kakashi continued to turn restlessly in the small bed. His face held a pained expression, and he drew in several strained breaths. "Mm, I'm s-sorry."

"Is he…?" Naruto asked.

"I think he's still delirious, Naruto," she replied.

Pakkun scrambled onto the bed. "Shhh, you're fine, 'Kashi-kun."

"No, n-no, it's… it's not ok. I killed her, but I p-_promised_…"

"Naruto. Sakura. Leave _now._ Your sensei probably won't want you to hear whatever he's going to say in this state."

"Well, he should've thought of that _before_ he refused to take care of himself!" Sakura crossed her arms. "Besides, I'm a medic nin, and I _will_ stay with my patient."

"Fine. But don't bring any of this up to him, alright?"

"Rin," he groaned, "Rin, I'm… so sorry; it was the only way." He brought a shaking hand up to his covered eye, then shook his head violently. "Don't look at me like that, please."

"Shhh," Pakkun awkwardly patted his master's head.

"P-please forgive me," the man was shaking now.

"He forgives you; it's ok, kid."

"No, no, he's angry."

"He's not angry."

"I'm _sorry!_ I tried, I _tried_ to save her!"

"I know you did; he knows you did."

"How… I couldn't…"

"Shhhh," he tried again, "It'll be ok."

Suddenly, Kakashi's eye flew open, and tears started running down his cheek, quickly darkening his mask. "Did I… did I really kill her?"

"It's ok, 'Kashi."

"Did. I. Kill. Her. Tell, me, Pakkun!" he panted, sitting up abruptly and clenching the scruff of the dog's neck with one hand. His eye was on the pug, but didn't seem to truly see him at all.

"It's ok," he repeated, slightly afraid of the strong hold his master had on him. "It's ok, kid, you… you didn't have another choice."

"There's… _always_… another choice," he growled.

Voice growing more confident, "There wasn't _then_."

"But…" his voice wavered, "I still broke my promise. I still… failed. I, I _failed,_ Pakkun."

"You didn't fail, kid." He tried to keep himself from crying along with his friend. "Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"I… I guess it's not."

After another minute, Kakashi's eye fluttered closed, and he released the grip on his neck, falling back onto the pillows with a sigh. Pakkun let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Sakura," he said quietly, "now would be a good time to do that fever-reducing jutsu again."

Sakura flinched, feeling that she had just witnessed something intensely personal. Which, to be honest, she had. As she put the glowing sphere of chakra onto her sensei again, she couldn't help feeling sorry for not obeying Pakkun.

Seeing the look on her face, the pug said, "Hey, don't worry about it. You were bound to hear something like this sooner or later."

"I _am_ sorry, though."

"I know. But, there's nothing you can really do about it now. How's the jutsu coming?"

"I just finished. I put a bit more chakra into this one than the last one. Hopefully, his fever will come down enough for him to be lucid sometime soon."

"And kids?"

"Yeah?" Both Naruto and Sakura turned to look at the small dog.

"Don't go bringing this up to Kakashi or _anyone_, got that?"

They nodded, and Pakkun was satisfied.

* * *

**Comments welcome. Thank you to all who have followed/favorite/reviewed so far! I'm glad you're enjoying this so far!**

**Predictions: Will Gai actually find Kakashi?**


	6. Chapter 6

Kakashi awoke with the distinct feeling of being watched. Cracking open his eye, he found himself to be justified in this. Pakkun's weight pressed down on his stomach, and the pug quickly turned to him, seeing that he was awake.

"You there, kid?"

"'M not a kid," he mumbled.

"You're _totally_ a kid. Hey, guys!" Pakkun barked, "He's awake, and I'm pretty sure he's sentient!"

There was a flurry of activity, a head of spiky blond hair picking itself up from the floor, and a pink head lifting itself from where it was resting on a desk. "Sensei?" They were suddenly leaning over him, concerned expressions on their faces. "How are you feeling?"

"When did you guys get here?"

"Couple hours ago," Naruto said. "Why did you go to Sasuke's house, anyway?"

"How are you feeling? How many fingers am I holding up?" Sakura interjected.

"I was running from Gai, fine, and three," he replied, coughing.

"You're not _fine_, Baka-sensei, stop saying that!"

"If you were just going to contradict my answer, why did you ask? And I _am_ fine, thank you. I no longer feel like my brain is exploding inside my skull, and the world has stopped spinning faster than it should. That counts as fine in _my_ book."

"If you felt that bad, why didn't you tell someone?"

"I can take care of myself."

Pakkun gave a loud snort.

"Shut up." He narrowed his one eye.

"Pakkun's got a point, sensei," Sakura said.

"Got a _point?_ All he did was snort!"

"It's the spirit of the thing. What would have happened if we hadn't gotten here?"

"I had Pakkun; I was fine."

Sakura put a hand on his forehead. "Fine or not, you've still got a fever. I'll go see if I can find you some medicine. Since you're actually awake now, we might be able to use that method instead of medical ninjutsu." Her thumb slid across his forehead as she brought her hand back down to her side. Turning, she walked quietly out of the room.

"I'll get some water!" Naruto chased after her.

"Don't spill it, dobe!" she yelled.

"You really scared them, you know," Pakkun said, resolutely sitting on Kakashi's stomach.

Kakashi sighed. "I know," he muttered, coughing. "I didn't mean for it to get this bad, honestly."

"Well, you didn't really do anything to _keep_ it from getting this bad, did you?"

He didn't answer.

"See, that's the thing with you. You're willing to risk your life for others, you know a million and one ways to get out of any given situation on the battlefield, you can memorize a bajillion jutsu-"

"Bajillion's not actually a number," he mumbled hoarsely, trying to steer the dog away from the subject matter at hand.

"But when it comes to _yourself_, you're either clueless, or you just don't-" He stopped, and lowered his voice. "Sometimes, I think you honestly don't care about yourself."

"This has nothing to do with me _caring_ about myself!"

Sakura walked back into the room. "I found some medi-"

"Would you mind going back to the kitchen for a minute?" Pakkun interrupted her. "And keep Naruto there, while you're at it."

"Don't listen to him," Kakashi said, waving a hand lazily. "It's fine, you can-"

"I said _back to the kitchen,_ Sakura," Pakkun growled. "Kakashi doesn't know what he's talking about."

She turned around again, having learned her lesson about listening to Pakkun. "I'll just go help Naruto clean up the pitcher of water he spilled; it's no big deal." Quickly, she walked back out of the room, closing the door behind her.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because you and I need to have a serious _talk_. I meant what I just said; sometimes you make it look like you couldn't care less about your wellbeing."

"I don't have problems with 'self-worth,' if that's what you're getting at; I just got sick, Pakkun!"

"Yeah, but you got sick _and _went to the memorial stone in the rain _and _went to Ichiraku _and _led Gai on a village-wide goose chase and_ only_ called me to help when you were delirious and wanted _ramen. _You refused to turn to anyone for help. If you hadn't summoned me in your delirium, if Naruto and Sakura hadn't found you, who _knows _how bad it might have gotten?"

He crossed his arms, saying nothing.

"_Why?_ Why do you always insist on not taking care of yourself? It's like you don't _care_ about yourself. Sometimes, it's almost like you don't think… you don't think you're worth the _effort_."

Kakashi remained silent.

"Well?" the pug pressed.

His next words were so quiet that Pakkun almost didn't catch them. "I'm _not._"

"That's a load of bullcrap!"

"No, I mean it!" he said, slightly louder this time. "I'm not worth the effort. Do you know how many people I've killed? Yes, I'm the man who mastered a thousand jutsu, but I murdered people for at least three quarters of those jutsu. I've torn apart families; I've even killed _children_. I'm lazy, I'm perverted, I'm unstable, and I'm dangerous," he finished coldly. "So no, I'm not worth the effort. It's not like it's a tragedy or anything, it's just a fact of life. I've accepted it; it's _fine._"

"It is _not _fine! Who in this village _hasn't _killed someone and regretted it? For every person you've killed, I guarantee there are two you've saved."

"It doesn't change the fact that all those people di- that I _killed _them."

"Kakashi-kun, our society is made up almost exclusively of murderers," the pug began, and undercurrent of anger lacing his voice. "You killed those people because you were _ordered_ to, and if you hadn't killed most of them, things would've gotten a lot worse for Konoha. I know that doesn't change the outcome, but at least you did it for a reason. And you know what? You are _definitely_ the most lazy, perverted, unstable, and dangerous person I know, but do you honestly think that matters? Hmm, let's see…" He tilted his head. "_No!_ No, it doesn't! And you may not care about yourself, but _I_ care! And so does Sakura. And Naruto. And Gai. And Tsunade. And don't you _dare_ forget that, you idiot!"

Kakashi was dumbstruck for a few moments. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "That… was quite a speech."

"Did it at least sink in a bit?"

"I, uh, yeah. I've… been acting like a bit of an idiot, haven't I?"

"A _bit?_ Just a lot, kid."

"Pakkun… I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Kakashi-kun." There was a pause. "You're gonna do the exact same thing the next time you're sick, aren't you?"

"You know what they say about old habits." He winked. "I might summon you a bit earlier next time. I'll try, anyway."

"That's all I'm asking for. Just… would you mind remembering what I said? So I don't have to say it again?"

"Or what? You'll say it all again, this time inserting more awkward pauses?"

"Nope. I'll kill you before you have a chance to do it yourself."

Kakashi chuckled warmly. "That sounds more like you than all this emotional stuff."

"I'm not joking. I seriously _will_ kill you."

"Well, I'd better commit this to memory, then. It'd be embarrassing to be killed by a dog after surviving so many rogue nin."

"Oh, shut up! It'd be an _honor_ to be killed by a great summon such as myself."

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that…"

Pakkun jumped off Kakashi's stomach and landed lightly on the floor. "Sakura!" he called, padding towards the door, "You can come back in now!"

Footsteps approached the room, and Sakura and Naruto walked in. "We heard shouting," she said. "Is everything alright?"

"Perfectly alright," Kakashi replied, sitting up slightly to grab the glass of water Naruto was holding. His hands shook, but he felt warmer inside than he had in quite a while.

* * *

**So, I suck. Did I really leave this without an update for several **_**months?**_** Time flies when you're finishing up the school year, I guess. Comments are welcome! There will probably be one or two more chapters after this (hopefully with less of a gap in between, but we'll see…)**

**Also, in reply to Prescripto13 who brought up a good point last chapter: You're perfectly right. I was going back and forth for quite a while deciding whether Sakura and Naruto should stay or go, and I only made them stay because I felt that Sakura would be too worried about Kakashi to leave him at that point, and by the time she might have overcome that, he probably would've already started talking. However, I may decide to go back and change that part, but for now, we're keeping it as it is. Thanks for your review!**

**~JillianWatson1058**


	7. Chapter 7

The smell of something delicious slowly worked its way into Kakashi's subconscious. As the room swam into focus between squinting eyelids, he realized several things. First, that he must have been sleeping at some point. Probably the medicine Sakura had given him. The most important thing, of course, was that he could _smell_ something delicious. His nose worked again. He almost hadn't realized how much his sense of smell had been missing until he breathed in a deep whiff of a thousand different smells. And promptly sneezed. Maybe not back _completely_, then.

"Hey, you awake, baka-sensei?" Naruto's grinning face invaded his thin line of vision.

"I am _now._" Blinking his right eye, he tried to further focus his student's face. "What's that smell?"

"Sakura made soup for you. I helped a bit, ya know."

"Yeah, sure!" Sakura called from the kitchen, "You just dumped a package of instant ramen in it when I wasn't looking!"

"You should be thankful," he whispered conspiratorially. "It would've tasted really bad without it. She filled it with _vegetables_ and other awful stuff." He shuddered.

"That would've been a tragedy."

"I can _hear_ you over here! The next person to insult my cooking gets punched through the _wall_, get it?!"

Both Naruto and Kakashi shuddered. "Yes, Sakura-chan."

She walked through the doorway, stepping carefully over the pulverized door, which still lay on the floor. Holding out the bowl of soup, she walked up to Kakashi. "Here, you should eat something. And my cooking's _fine_, no matter what Naruto says."

"I'm sure it is." Kakashi was still swimming in the glorious smell wafting toward him. As he struggled to sit up straight, Naruto put a hand on his back to help him.

"Here, sensei," Sakura held out a spoon, watching him carefully.

Wait a minute. He narrowed his eye. They were helping him, but they were also _baiting_ him. The desire to see what was behind his mask showed clearly in both of their eyes, and there was _no_ way Kakashi was giving them the satisfaction. As he grasped the spoon, his mind worked furiously. A henge was out of the picture, as his chakra control was questionable when he was sick. He looked towards Pakkun, motioning with his head. The dog nodded and hopped off the bed.

Kakashi reached his hand toward his mask.

Naruto and Sakura leaned closer.

An explosion sounded from the living room.

As his students' heads whipped toward the noise, he wrenched his mask down, threw the spoon at the wall, lifted the bowl to his mouth, guzzled the whole thing, and pulled his mask back up. Pakkun padded in from the hallway, smiling widely, and kids immediately grasped what had happened. Pink hair and blonde hair turned around again, and their jaws dropped open simultaneously.

"Awwwww!" Naruto whined. "That's no fair!"

"Are you an _idiot_, sensei? Did you drink the whole bowl?"

Admittedly, Kakashi felt a bit stupid as he tried to quit choking on the ramen, but it was worth the looks on their faces. "Yup," he wheezed. "Your cooking's quite good, actually." He bent forward, coughing. "A bit… hot, though… Burned my tongue," he choked out.

"And whose fault is _that?"_

Clearing his throat, he replied, "The stove. It was clearly malfunctioning."

Sakura put her head in her hand. "Of course."

Naruto looked around, noticing that the sun was shining outside. "Hey, does anyone know what time it is?"

"Hmm," she looked at her watch and frowned. "It's almost time for me to head back to work. They're pretty short-staffed at the hospital today, so I can't just ask for the day off."

"That means I've got to meet Pervy Sage for training!"

"Go ahead and go," Kakashi leaned back on the pillow. "I'll be fine here."

"Yeah," Sakura crossed her arms, "because that worked out _so well_ before."

"I'm a grown man," Kakashi replied, insulted.

"Maybe on the _outside_," Pakkun cut in. "But seriously, _I'm_ here, so I'll keep the brat in line. No worries."

"If you say so, Pakkun." Naruto and Sakura stood.

"Don't do anything _I_ wouldn't do, baka-sensei."

"You'd better be in one piece when we get back."

They walked out, and Pakkun jumped on the bed again. "Looks like I get another nap, then."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." He shifted further down under the covers, closing his eye. He sighed, letting himself relax.

* * *

He woke up to the feeling of Pakkun tensing up on his stomach. "Hn?"

"I smelled someone."

"As in… ?"

"As in _Gai_, brat."

"Not good, not good." His eyes flew open and he sat up. "How far away?"

"About thirty yards away. We don't have much time."

"Do you think he knows we're here? If not, we'll just stay put and hope he runs past us."

"He seems to be speeding up."

"He must have passed Naruto and Sakura on the way here and put two and two together." Kakashi had already swung his legs over the side of the bed and was attempting to stand, with varying rates of success. However, he never got past attempting, as he heard the sound of wood splintering, followed by the rough crack of the front door hitting an inside wall. His eye widened. "Not good!" He dove under the bed, sidling up to the wall, and Pakkun joined him.

Heavy footsteps drew closer, and suddenly stopped. "Aha! My eternal rival _has_ been here, as I expected. I even see a bowl of soup on the table. But where is Kakashi? Perhaps the bowl is a decoy, or perhaps he was too sick to think to move it before I arrived. If that is the case…"

Kakashi saw Gai's feet take a step toward the bed. No, no, no, no, just turn around. The bowl was totally a decoy. Or perhaps it was meant to look as if it was a decoy because it looked like it wasn't a decoy that looked like a decoy. His fever wasn't affecting his mind at all. Nope. Perfectly sound reasoning. And it may have worked, if Kakashi didn't feel a sneeze coming on at that exact moment. Dang it.

"I, however, am inclined to believe th-"

He didn't get to hear what Gai was inclined to believe, as his disrespectful nose chose that exact moment to rebel. He sneezed. And then he sneezed again.

"A_ha!"_

It was over. He had failed.

"Come out from under there, my rival!" Gai's blindingly happy smile appeared, and his arm dragged Kakashi into the middle of the room.

Kakashi blinked up at him from the floor.

"I challenge myself," Gai began, thumping his fist against his chest, "to nurse you back to health as quickly and efficiently as possible."

"Gai, you really d-"

"If I fail, I shall run twenty-four laps around Konoha-"

"Gai-"

"On my hands-"

"Seriously, Gai-"

"Backwards!"

Kakashi sighed. There was no going back now.

"To begin, I shall put you back to bed." Gai picked up the copy-nin – bridal style – and placed him on the mattress. "Now," he tucked the covers back in, "I shall tell you tales of youthfulness in order to speed you in your recovery."

Kakashi looked at Pakkun desperately, mouthing "Help me!"

Pakkun just grinned. "Enjoy your tales of youthfulness. Take better care of yourself next time, kid!" And _poof!_ He was gone.

"When I was a foolish and impressionable genin, my jounin-sensei told me this tale. It begins in a faraway land…"

Pakkun had a point. If he hadn't gotten himself into this mess, he wouldn't be getting Grin's Fairy Tales of Nauseating Youthfulness. That, of course, didn't stop him from picturing several different ways to murder his pug.

However, as Kakashi let Gai's words wash over him without listening to a single one, he _was_ grateful for his friends. Pakkun, behind all the sarcasm, was always there for him, and Naruto and Sakura cared about him and respected him, despite their habitual insults. Even Gai, as obnoxious as he was, was a good friend. Kakashi wouldn't trade any of them for anything. Although he would trade Gai's _stories_ for anything and everything.

"So, was the youthful and brilliant prince right, Kakashi?"

"Hm?"

"Did you listen to _none_ of my glorious tale? You're so _hip!"_

Totally hip. And a genius. A hip, dangerous, and eccentric genius with some good friends who would look after him when he was being an idiot.

He couldn't ask for more.

* * *

**It's been fun, guys, but this marks the end. Please let me know what you thought and if you enjoyed it. Thanks for sticking with me! May you all have as good of friends as Kakashi does. Stay awesome!**

**~JillianWatson1058**


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